Dancing in the Minefields - Dorwin & Mavy Stoddard

This morning I took Tim to work in the Volvo that can handle snow a little better than the other car. There is a possibility of some weather, and didn't want Tim to have treacherous travel on the way home.


As we headed toward the office, I turned on NPR to hear the latest about the voting in Sudan and catch up on other news. In a report about the Arizona shootings, I heard about Dorwin Stoddard, one of the victims of the attack.

Dorwin Stoddard

Mr. Stoddard was 76, and with his wife, was an active leader in the benevolence ministry at Mountain Avenue Church of Christ. His heart ached for the sick and homeless, and participated in numerous construction projects for the church and for those in need.  


Dorwin and his wife Mavy were high school classmates in Tucson who moved away and married other people.  When their spouses passed away, they both moved back to Tucson, got reacquainted, and were married in their sixties.


Their minister, Mike Nowak, said, "they normally go out to breakfast every Saturday." This past weekend, Mavy told her minister she had wanted to meet her congresswoman and tell Ms. Giffords she was doing a good job.


When the shooting started, Dorwin dropped to the ground and covered his wife Mavy.  She was shot in the leg but survived, and talked to Dorwin for 10 minutes until he stopped breathing.


When Tim and I studied "Love and Respect" as one of Living Water Christian Church's Watering Hole small groups a couple years ago, I was struck by the understanding that Tim loved me so much he would lay down his life for me willingly, no questions asked. That kind of selfless, sacrificial love is something I can not only appreciate and honor, but deeply respect. I pray that Tim never has to make the kind of decision that Dorwin made - a decision that was unthinking and instantaneous, to protect the woman God gave him to love for the rest of his days - but I know Tim would make that decision.  In a nanosecond.


Driving him to work this morning, I sobbed as I heard that story. I sobbed for Mavy and for Dorwin, but I sobbed with the understanding that God had given me the same gift of love in my husband, Tim.


Forgive me, Lord, when I take him for granted, and when I fail to respect him with the honor he is due.


"Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson:


I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

First, they came for the Muslims...

To be perfectly honest with you, the raging debate over the zoning issue in Manhattan regarding the mosque and activity center a few blocks from the site of the terrorist attacks 9 years ago has really not interested me.  I tend to avoid most news, because it just depresses and frustrates me.  Thank the Lord, we do not have cable, so I am not subjected to 24-hour news coverage of everything in America that the talking heads think is important (but really isn't).  I read Scripture, then look through my local newspaper in the morning, check in on what my friends think is important on their blogs and Facebook, then go about my joyful day, occasionally checking in with NPR for Morning Edition or All Things Considered. 

Yesterday, I listened more to Morning Edition than I usually do, since my kids were not in the car and not clamoring to listen to "Deliberate Kids" or "They Might Be Giants."  Morning Edition played a clip I remember hearing 9 years ago, and I remember being so grateful and overcome with emotion for the words and the president we had at the helm of our nation following the terrorist attacks.  

President Bush said, "I also want to speak tonight directly to Muslims throughout the world.  We respect your faith.  It is practiced freely by many millions of Americans, and by millions more in countries that America counts as friends.  Its teachings are good and peaceful and those that commit evil in the name of Allah blaspheme the name of Allah."

Many Republican - and even Democrat - politicians are using this issue to attack the other side, and President Obama.  It's become a terrible mess that I'd just rather tune out.  

However, again on Morning Edition, I heard Newt Gingrich (from a program on Fox News) invoke the Nazis in his rant against the mosque.  He said, "The Nazis don't have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington.  We'd never accept the Japanese putting up a site next to Pearl Harbor.  There's no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center."

Normally, I think Newt is a pretty level-headed thinker.  I tend to listen to him when he speaks.  So this brought me up short.  And I started to think about the Nazis and the way they targeted people for their ancestry, their race, their religion, and the essence of what made them different from the Nazis.  The Nazis began by limiting freedom, then they escalated their hatred to horrors that still shock the world.  I was horrified as I began to wonder which typifies the Nazis more: insensitivity to those hurt by their actions, or the attempt to restrict the freedoms of those they hate?  

On January 6, 1946, a pastor by the name of George Neimoller gave a speech before representatives of the Confessing Church in Frankfurt.  His words should remind all of us, but especially Christians, of the dangers of limiting religious freedoms in America.  

Neimoller said, "They came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.  Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for me and by that time no one was left to speak up."

Now, I'm not going to get into the facts of where the mosque is planned to be built, why it's going to be built, or even who is arguing against it or defending it. 

I just want us all to take a breath and consider the ramifications of limiting religious freedom in America.  If we limit the Muslims in where they can build a house of worship, what's next? 

David Ramadan, a member of a group of prominent Muslim Republicans, wisely said, "If 2 blocks is too close, is 4 blocks acceptable?  Or 6 blocks?  Or 8 blocks?  Does our party believe that one can only practice his or her religion in certain places with defined boundaries and away from the disapproving glances of some other citizens?"

As Neimoller warned us 64 years ago, if "they come" for the Muslims, who's next?  Will there be anyone left to speak up for the freedom of Christians?  Think about it.

Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." - Matthew 22:37-40 (the Message)

More thoughts on Twilight (Eclipse in particular)

Since I couldn't write it better myself, I'm posting the conclusion of Plugged In's (Focus on the Family's movie review service) Eclipse review.  The body of the review is helpful as well, especially if you're trying to decide if there is anything positive about this movie - and guess what? - there is!  Just read the review.


Here is the conclusion of the review by Paul Asay, which makes the most sense I've read in a long time about this series and Eclipse in particular.


CONCLUSION

Before walking into The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, I expected the audience to consist mostly of girls in the 13 to 18 age range. You know, the demographic that might go to a Justin Bieber concert.

I was wrong.

Granted, there were plenty of young women. But many were in their 30s and 40s. Even 50s. And let me tell you, they were  into it: They cheered kisses. They cheered shirtless appearances. They saved their biggest hurrah for Edward's proposal. I don't know whether this was the "Team Edward" vs. "Team Jacob" dynamic at work, or whether these fans were just absorbed in the story, but they couldn't help applauding whenever any of 'em exchanged lip gloss.

In short, these viewers were  engrossed in the film's fantasy world—and I'm not talking about the whole vampire-and-werewolf fantasy. I'm talking about the film's fantastical view of love. Eclipse, like all the Twilight films, is far more about romance than horror. And almost all romances, by their very nature, idealize both love and the lovers involved.

In some ways, that's manifested pretty positively here, and some of these values  should be idealized. It's great to see Edward being so careful with Bella's virtue and so gentlemanly throughout, for instance. More folks in the real world should aspire to such chivalry.



But  Eclipse takes that romanticism to another level, giving us two male protagonists who are practically godlike: Edward is a knight in shining skin who props his beloved Bella on a pedestal; Jacob is a dark-haired pinup idol, sensitive and vulnerable even as he's virile and strong. They are creatures of pure imagination—preternaturally powerful and kind and desirable and desirous. No wonder teens who are still mulling what true love looks like are attracted to these characters. No wonder grown women—many of them who fell in love, got married and found their relationships weren't wall-to-wall passion and joy forever and ever—find themselves drawn to them, too. (emphasis mine -jeh)

In this sense, I suspect  The Twilight Saga, particularly Eclipse, feeds our already unrealistic, sky-high expectations about what romantic relationships should look like. I don't think a lot of teens will walk out wishing to be vampires or werewolves. But many of them (and more than a few adults, it would seem) may pine for the sort of love and attention Bella receives from her supernatural suitors.

The film—which is better artistically than the first two—has some other problems as well. I mourn the fact that Bella is so bent on becoming a vampire. Setting aside, for a minute, the ethics of becoming undead, the fact she wants to jump into this irreversible decision feels terribly hasty. Bella's own father comes across as practically powerless to influence his daughter's life, yet another reason for sorrow. (emphasis mine -jeh)   Eclipse is also darker and more violent than the first two entries in the franchise. The decapitation scenes in particular were especially jarring. And sex is obviously becoming a bigger and bigger issue for Edward and Bella.

As I left the theater, though, I thought less about those things and more about the American inclination to idealize love. That inclination can sometimes make real love—an undeniably great and wonderful but complex roller coaster—feel a little like a disappointment.

It's telling, perhaps, that  Eclipse's supposed love triangle isn't much of a triangle at all. Bella is Edward's girl. She always was, always will be. She chooses a charming, bloodless, idealized man over one of flesh and blood who's arguably more fallible, more real.

And I can't help but wonder, how many  Twilight fans are being encouraged to shop for love in the very same way? 


From Paul Asay's review on Plugged In: http://www.pluggedin.com/movies/intheaters/twilightsagaeclipse.aspx

My Issues With Twilight

"In the end everything will be all right, nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive.  Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all of these horrors.  No evil can resist grace forever." - Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

I've read the entire Twilight series, and seen every movie that has come out so far.  While Stephenie Meyer is not a terrific author, and the movies don't meet my high standard of quality in filmmaking, I have been reasonably entertained.  The storyline is fascinating and very creative (witness all the people trying to copy it - from True Blood to The Gates).

Down through history, many stories have featured romantic love and obsession, and the books allude to stories such as Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights to (not-so-subtly) flesh out the relationships in Twilight.  Just as in works by Shakespeare and Bronte, these characters are consumed with themselves and with each other.  Twilight's prose is of a lesser quality, but the themes are not new.

However, as a wife and a mother, I have some deeper issues with the series and its characters.

BELLA:

Bella is a whiny, bratty, self-absorbed girl, and I don't want my daughter to be anything like her.  She is described as plain, klutzy, very ordinary.  That's fine.  Every teenage girl feels this way, whether she admits it or not.  However, Bella somehow manages to attract a beautiful, "perfect" specimen and his every desire is directed toward her.  As a former teenager, I can tell you that this is a recipe for disaster.  She is now desired for her scent, her blood, and sex.  He wants her body and soul, and she is all too willing to give it all up for him.

This flies in the face of the wisdom taught to us in Proverbs - the desire of particular types of people (and to be desired BY them) invites destruction.  The opposite of wisdom is death.  Bella comes to see death as a desirable outlet, and living without her boyfriend is impossible.  Wow.  I am teaching my daughter to be obsessed with Jesus, and her mind, soul and strength belong to him.  While she may marry someday, her first love is Jesus.  God's blessings will be given to her through her husband.  Her husband should not be the center of her existence.

EDWARD AND THE VAMPIRES:

He is so beautiful and perfect that mere mortals cannot compete.  All of the vampires are portrayed as having "remarkable good looks," and they have the money and clothes to complete the whole package. Bella longs to be accepted by them, no matter the danger or the cost to her family.  In the first movie, Edward even tells Bella, "I'm the world's most dangerous predator.  Everything about me invites you in.  My voice, my face, even my smell.  As if I would need any of that.  As if you could outrun me.  As if you could fight me off.  I'm designed to kill." 

At multiple points in the book, Bella feels pain and anguish over the absence of Edward.  Beyond the warped desire to be with a boy who wants to hurt her, this screams of female lust to me.  At the risk of seeming stereotypical, there are different kinds of lust for men and women.  Men look at women and desire, and women want to be looked at and desired.  There is the sin of lust for both men and women, and the danger of destruction in both the desiring and the being desired.

Edward is set up in the books as a savior for Bella, the person who can deliver her from her normalcy, the mundane aspect of her life.   I don't want my daughter to think it's okay to be fascinated with a boy to the extent of her own destruction, especially a "bad boy," a dangerous person.  An obsession with Edward (or Jacob, for that matter) feeds into the idea that a woman needs danger and fear in a relationship.  No!  I want my daughter to yearn for a godly, upright man, who loves Jesus more than he loves her.  With those priorities in order, she will live a blessed life.  God will be her constant, her steadfast companion.  "For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10

JACOB AND THE WOLVES:

The biggest challenge I have is with the idea of "imprinting."  Jacob and his wolf brothers can become imprinted on a person, instantly experiencing love at first sight, and a deep connection to that person as a soul mate.  The last thing Elisa needs is to feel like she has no choice in the matter when a boy falls in love with her, or when she falls in love with him.  Young love will come and go.  True love is a choice, a decision that mature people make every day.  Love is work, not hormones or instincts.

DECISION-MAKING:

Every decision Bella makes leads her deeper into danger.  We need to realize the consequences of our actions and our choices, and question where our steps are leading us.  There is not much in the way of redemption in Twilight, beyond the good "works" and choices made by the Cullen family to help humanity instead of kill people.  There is a great deal of struggle over whether the vampires are damned because they have been transformed into vampires.  Vampire legends are rooted in the idea that vampires sold their souls to the devil in exchange for eternal life.  Twilight vampires do not have the same choice (although Bella seems to choose vampirism even with the chance that her soul could be eternally lost). 

I almost wondered at the idea of works salvation - how the Cullens seem to be trying by their actions alone to be "good."  Their fate was chosen for them, so they did everything they could to fight their nature and do good works/deeds.  Bella even says, "you couldn't be damned" because she sees Edward (his actions) as good.  People/vampires/wolves seem to be relying on good works instead of relying and trusting in the goodness of God.  The topic or personhood of God is not introduced into Twilight saga at all, beyond the concept of damnation.  No vampires, wolves or humans are introduced to God or his offer of eternal life.

WOULD I LET MY DAUGHTER READ TWILIGHT?

Yes, but only with me reading along with her to discuss themes and choices made by the characters.  I want my children to know that I'm not able to be shaken by what interests them, and we can talk about anything.  I don't want to be the "cool mom" that lets them participate in all aspects of the world.  However, I want them to see me seek after God while in the culture, either contributing to it or battling it, and finding true joy by seeing Christ in my fellow man and maybe even in the culture around me.  I don't believe that ignoring Twilight or any other aspect of culture is the way to do that.  My mom caught flak for my obsession over Michael Jackson in fourth grade, but she knew that withholding and restricting me from all things Michael would only feed my desire and create a stronger devotion.  My parents helped me balance my interest in "Thriller" with more wholesome pursuits and helped me develop into a person who could - not always successfully - navigate my teen years IN the world but not OF it.

I would also allow her to watch the movies, with me, and with my finger firmly on the pause button.  I do this with most movies.  I don't want my children to absorb things without questioning the legitimacy of the worldviews and statements put forth in movies and TV shows.

I am aware that evil comes in many disguises and is made to look alluring and fascinating to appeal to our senses.  Like Twilight, like many things in our culture.  Many times songs and images have become embedded in my mind and I realize that I need God's divine help to remove them from my soul.  I know that Twilight has become just such an obsession for many people.  I'm not ready to call Twilight evil, but I am recognizing its dangers and drawbacks.  Twilight is deeply in the American culture, and we need to find ways to discuss it and transform its followers into devotees of the true God, grateful recipients of the real sacrificial love of Jesus.

Interesting article for teens and how to talk about Twilight at youthministry.com: http://www.youthministry.com/?q=node/20393

Observations on Marriage After 15 Years

Many words have been spoken, many books written about marriage and how to make it work.


After 15 years, I'm not saying I have it figured out.  In fact, I look forward to many more years trying to figure it out with Tim.


ATTRACTION
We had an attraction from the beginning.  Tim was cute and had great legs from playing soccer, and Tim said I caught his eye because I was different from the other freshman girls at Milligan College.  Apparently he had never met a girl who knew how to shoot a rifle and thought the East Tennessee mountains were mere speed bumps compared to the "real mountains" out west.

Solid marriage - even a solid dating relationship - isn't based on attraction, though.  I could list hundreds of "beautiful" people who started out with attraction and fizzled shortly.  In fact, I'm shocked to hear how short some Hollywood marriages are.  

IDOLATRY
To rely solely on attraction and chemistry reduces the relationship to a flimsy shadow of love, simple lust.  In fact, it makes one's beloved into an idol - the object of our hopes and desires - instead of a partner in life.  When I set my beloved up as an idol, the Apostle Paul writes that I have "exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator." (Romans 1:25)


COMMON PURPOSE
Antoine De Saint-Exupery said, "love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."  Beyond the attraction (which does cool somewhat over the years, by the way),  Tim and I had found similarities and common experiences that helped us understand each other and appreciate each other more.  Even deeper than that, we knew we had a shared faith in God and commitment to follow Jesus Christ with our whole lives.  As we continued to date, I knew I had found a man who loved God more than he loved me, and I knew that God would bless me through him.  


We spent a summer apart in 1994.  We had separate internships - mine in North Carolina, his in Indiana.  The disconnection from each other was deeper than loneliness, and stronger than absence.  We realized that summer that we were better together.  I was a more effective person, better at my job - a better woman when he was by my side.  He found that he was a better minister, worker and person with me working alongside him.  We knew it was time to talk about getting married.  


The thrill of a common purpose and a shared passion keeps us together - beyond attraction, beyond the promises we made on June 24, 1995 (and renew in our hearts every time we attend a wedding),  and beyond "staying together for the sake of the kids."  We are a team in life, in parenthood, and as disciples of Jesus Christ.


When I was a girl, I thought I wanted someone who would be my "everything."  I wanted to be "everything" to someone, too.  But after 15 years of marriage, one thing I do know is that I am NOT my husband's everything.  His heart belongs to Jesus.  And that's just the way I want it.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart

Just to know Timothy Paul Hatfield would have blessed my life beyond measure.  

But 15 years ago, I married this man and my life has been overwhelmingly blessed with his wisdom, sense of humor, love, and passion for Jesus and His church.  

Marriage hasn't always been easy or fun, but it will always be worth the work.  Thanks for being my life partner, Timbo.  I respect you and the way you care and provide for us more than I can say.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.

Jesus is Coming (Look Busy)

Driving through downtown Roanoke yesterday, I saw a bumper sticker I'd never seen before: Jesus is coming (look busy).  


I couldn't help but laugh at the misinformation perpetuated by such a message, and then be immediately convicted of my own busyness.

I am too often wrapped up in activities for Jesus instead of abiding in Jesus.  Church work can really get to be a busy work.  Especially as the church grows (this is a good thing), the busyness increases (this is a bad thing).  If I am not careful and intentional about my life, I end up acting like Martha in the kitchen, grumbling that I never get to spend time with Jesus.  But oh, the work I'm accomplishing FOR him! 


Living Water Christian Church is all about creating "reproducing" disciples as part of our discipleship process - meaning we connect people to God, help them grow and serve, then duplicate themselves in the lives of other people.  That means one doesn't just keep piling more and more activities and work on oneself - one creates apprentices and other workers, then goes out to create more disciples.


It's a very biblical, thoughtful, intentional concept - one that I am finally starting to understand.  In the hands of Jesus, I help him create reproducing disciples (disciples make more disciples; small groups make more small groups; churches make more churches).

But left to my own devices, I putter about, doing, doing, doing... and feeling right proud of myself.  This puttering feeds the heresy that we can do anything on our own accord to earn salvation or the grace of Jesus.  How many jokes have you heard about the priest, the rabbi and the so-and-so who meet St. Peter at the pearly gates and plead their case to get into heaven?  One of Satan's most successful lies is that humankind can earn salvation.  


Jesus IS COMING again ... but busyness and toil will not save us.  Jesus already did all the work necessary for our salvation when he died on the cross.  I Timothy 1:9 tells us "For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus." (NLT)  God saved us not because we deserved it - not because we were busy - but because that was his plan; to show us grace.


Grace trumps busyness.


Grace covers the weary and heavy laden, too worn to be busy.  Jesus's yoke is light, not heavy.  He gives us rest, not work.  As Eugene Peterson's Message translation of Matthew 11:29-30 puts it: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."


Jesus IS coming ... but the only thing I need to do about it is accept him, obey him, and begin to live in him.  He did it all for me.  If I were the only person on earth, Jesus still would have died to save me.  My life in Jesus should only be a visceral, grateful  response to his grace and mercy.  All else is busywork, not holy, and it definitely does not save me.

Fears and Faith

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." - Romans 8:15

Do not fear, O Jacob my servant;
do not be dismayed, O Israel.
I will surely save you out of a distant place,your descendants from the land of their exile.
Jacob will again have peace and security,
and no one will make him afraid. - Jeremiah 46:27


Since my children were born, I have endeavored to keep them fearless. When I hear a story about an abduction on TV, I do not keep my children indoors. I do not even instruct them about "stranger danger." When a virus fear spreads through the country, I do not put little masks on their faces. When airplanes were hijacked, I continued to strap them into the seats and fly across the country.

• Airbag malfunction fear? "Load up, kids."
• Fierce dog fear? "Ask the owner if you may pet the dog, then go for it."
• Homeless people outside the city library when we're heading in? "Say hi, be friendly."
• Strangers walking along the alley where my kids play on the playground? "Have fun, kids. I'll leave the door open so I can hear if you need me."

I never ever wanted my kids to live in fear, but in faith that God - even if their parents weren't nearby - had his eye on them. Bad things were going to happen. People would do bad things. They may get hurt. But God is good.

A quick check through the Bible shows 84 times where God or one of his messengers specifically commands a person to "not be afraid" or "fear not" or "be not afraid." In contrast, I found only 13 times when people declared their fearlessness because of God's provision.

We are weak, trembling, spineless creatures. But I didn't want my children to start off that way. I wanted them to live in joy and love with abandon. Elisa has never been afraid of the dark. We taught her to sleep in a dark room from the beginning, and she prefers it. She reads adventure books, climbs trees, plays in creeks, sings and dances like no one's watching. Wilkin is wide open, and runs full-bore into life (and walls). I cannot count how many bloody noses I have doctored. He does not fear pain, bugs, the stage (as long as it's his idea to do the performance), or hard work, especially if someone is showing him how to fix or destroy something.
As they have matured into school-aged children, their fears have grown to include bullies and the critical eyes of their peers. Elisa had a hard time attending school when her face was swollen from poison ivy. Wilkin has refused to wear a perfectly handsome garment because a classmate said it was a "baby shirt."

Everything changed yesterday.

We have heard reports of copperhead snakes around the church building - a rural setting with a creek, playground and wooded acres. In fact, two friends killed a copperhead earlier this summer. Tim's aunt just took her second dog to the veterinarian for to be treated for a poisonous snakebite. That's two dogs in a little under two weeks.

As I work at Living Water during the days, I have been encouraging my children to eschew the DVD player and head outside to play in the creek, catch crawdads and look at salamanders. When I think "idyllic childhood summer," a creek should run through it (not Disney Pixar flicks). I always warn them that if they see a snake, to drop everything (even the paper cups they're using to catch crawdads) and run into the building. I figure there is safety in numbers, however. Wilkin and I were at the church yesterday, and Elisa was at camp. Wilkin requested permission to play in the creek by himself.
Here's the place where I ended my boy's fearlessness, and I mourn for what has been lost.

I told him, "You may play in the creek. But it's different because you're the only child playing in the creek. So, if you see a snake, you MUST drop the cups and run for me. If that snake bites you, I want you to scream as loud as you can and run for me. If you are bitten by a snake, you may not be able to make it back to me. So scream and run. Do you understand?"

My sweet son pushed his fingers up behind his glasses to cover his tears and said, "I'm afraid." And my heart broke. Not because he was crying, but for the loss of his innocence and the fear that I - yes, I - instilled in him.

He did not play in the creek yesterday, but he will next week when his sister is with us. But I know it will never be the same.

Every stage of life is a step farther away from me and more toward independence. Birth is the first "moving out," then there's the first babysitter, going to school, sleepovers, summer camp, college, first apartment, marriage, first home. I want to prepare my children to face each stage fearlessly, not with trepidation. It's a fine line that I'm afraid I crossed yesterday. And I mourn.

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields [b] with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

People "knowing my business"

2 Corinthians 5:16-20
16 So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 18 And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 20 So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”
New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust.

I grew up in small towns, and it's true what they say about small towns. People do tend to know about other people, and there is a lot of "knowing my business," if you know what I mean.

Despite comments I have heard to the contrary, Roanoke, Virginia is not a small town, by any stretch of the imagination. To give Roanokers a little perspective, in 2006 (14 years after I left town), Caldwell, Idaho had reached a population of 34,433. Small. The population of Anacortes, Washington, where I lived from Kindergarten through 7th grade, tipped the scales at 14,577 in 2000 (again, 14 years after my family left town in 1986). In the year 2000, Roanoke had 94,911, and the Roanoke metropolitan area had 235,932.

These facts don't enlighten us about communities, however. In a small town, communities blend and overlap, and by the degrees of separation, a person can almost know everyone and everyone can "get up in your business." Recently, at lunch with colleagues, we learned that just about everyone was connected in some way. One person's girlfriend lived in the same neighborhood as the person who had come to do our computer training that day. Her in-laws lived in a colleague's neighborhood. We were all connected through vicinity, relationships, or other commonalities.

In the church, I have found that it's a real struggle to keep that kind of community in the large group (Sunday services) setting. But don't we, as humans, crave community? We desire to be in groups that understand us, speak the same language, listen to the same music. We want people to lean on, to be there for us when we have problems. My friend Scott Schmidt led Living Water's time at communion last Sunday. He shared with us that "genuine community is where people are growing together to love God’s Word and God’s people." And why do we want community? Simple. God created us that way. He is the author of community. It is my firm belief that the church should work actively to create community and redeem community to its rightful meaning.

When a person engages in relationships with others that are not simply "hi, how ya doin'" chats on Sunday mornings, investing in the lives of others in a small group setting, lives are transformed. When a person trusts their group and leaders, it's easy to open up and share his or her challenges and hardships. Be real. Be forgiving. Feel safe in a way that he or she may not be able to feel in a large Sunday setting.

I've had my heart broken many times by people who left the church for another worship setting. It was nothing personal, they said, just needed a change. Why was my heart broken? I had invested in their life. In almost every situation, they had experienced a very difficult life experience, and the large-group Sunday setting knew all about it. We didn't have the small group format for real life sharing and caring. Suddenly, everyone was "up in their business," and it didn't feel good. It was scary. Much easier to leave and start over instead of be viewed as damaged goods, imperfect people, human.

I get it. I really do. It would bother me to no end to have my personal life an open book. In my experience, it's so much easier to talk about the messy stuff of my life with 8 people, not 108. These people have become my friends, my family, and my lifeline.

Through small groups, Living Water reconciles people to Jesus and redeems community for his purposes. We gather on Sundays for common worship, adoration and to celebrate Jesus's death and burial through communion - together - but real personal growth and introspection is perfected in small groups.

Thanks to Scott Schmidt for his guidance as Tim and I continue the ministry he began at Living Water. Scott, I can't thank you enough for your wisdom and the passion for groups you have instilled in my soul. Michelle, you have taught me the value of true friendship - a person that looks unflinchingly at someone's real life and heart loves that person (me) in spite of her flaws and foibles.